Sunday, 7 April 2013

Cling


What about when what You ask of me is far greater than what I had expected?
Far more demanding than my strength can withstand....

And not in the...
'This-is-so-huge-and-amazing-I-don't-think-I'm-awesome-enough-for-it'....
It's the...
'I couldn't have known that this many questions and this much undoing and all of this pain could possibly be representative of a girl who is still on the right path.'
Yet, here I am.


Life undone is hard to put in a pretty box.
Life transparent shows a lot of holes ~ a lot of the fraying fabric of my humanity.
There is no timer that rings and signifies that clean up has begun and perfection is slated next on the agenda.
There is no room for pretending or faking it.
In the deep end - you can't 'pretend' you know how to swim.

So the water is deep.
So the waves continue to swirl.
So the peaceful, quiet, shore is a long way off.
And I'm only one. Undone.

I'm kinda done with striving, kinda done with buying into the idea that my own effort is the only thing I can rely on...I've kinda been done with it for a long time.
I'm out of options that begin with the words -
I. 
Me.
My.

I'm choosing one word to start.
It's my only hope.

Cling

There is a choice out here in the deep.
All is not lost - all is not pointless.

Cling - to the One who turns the tides.
Cling - to the One who sees me in my storm. It seems big to me, but He sees everything from beginning to end.
Cling - to the One who promised, I will never leave you or forsake you.

Regardless of who or what stirred up this storm...
Regardless of who or what left me in the dark and never looked back...
There is One who is greater than the winds that blow in and out of my life.
There is One who brings peace to a restless heart.

There is One who will never leave.

Hope is built on this truth.
This lifeline is secure in any length of dark storm.
This promise lies not in the assurance of a life free of hard questions, pain and loss, but that there is an arm that holds on and never, ever lets go.

And I smiled to think God's greatness
Flowed around our incompleteness ~
Round our restlessness, His rest.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning